Wednesday, February 6, 2008

The Doctors Are In!

I am a confirmed lifeline addict (read about them here if you don't know about lifelines). Without lifelines for my fine lace knitting, I am forever dropping stitches, leading to hours of tinking, cursing, screaming, and other behavior unbecoming to a supposed Knitting Expert. Fortunately, all my interchangeable needles come equipped with a perforation, because these types of needles are tightened by sticking a little pin thingy into the hole and twisting with the little rubber whatsis.* Alas, none of my fixed circulars are so equipped.

I had taken a wad of them to our gunsmith so he could remedy this depressing state of affairs, but he has became quite ill and can no longer fulfill my peculiar requests.

My regular readers know what's coming, right? House of Fleegle decided to indulge in some do-it-yourself Knitting Needle Surgery. All we needed was a mini drill press and plenty of micro drill bits, both available cheaply on good old eBay.

Let's take a brief tour of the procedure!

First, let me introduce the surgeon:


And his multi-talented First Assistant:


Before we started the process, the First Assistant set up the operating room:


And there's the Second Assistant, Cheeto, holding an entirely unnecessary micro-saw. We'll need that for another procedure though, so it's nice to see him practicing his surgical room instrument clutching.

On to the process.

We first anesthetized the patients by dunking them in our priceless bottle of North Korean Famous Brandy.


Nice label! The cap is cheerfully designed too:


Ah, Lori, you are correct. Possession of this bottle is most probably entirely illegal, but honestly, we bought it at the DMZ years ago and perhaps the Statute of Limitations has run out on it. It's great anesthetic--the patients remained unconscious through the entire procedure and woke up without drug hangovers. By the way, the brandy is clear, not, ah, brandy-colored. We never actually tasted it.

And here is the surgeon performing the delicate operation:


The patients recuperated rapidly and appreciated Cheeto's little winter bouquet.


Delicate stomachs might want to close this browser window now. A close-up of the perforation is shown here on Patient Size 1:

All in all, the operations were successful, but we broke a lot of drill bits on the metal needles. Our next procedure will feature transplant surgery, so be sure to come back if you aren't squeamish!

*Kyoko-san, "whatsis" is a synonym for "thingy." Or "thingie." I cannot construct a legal plural for "whatsis," although "whatsises" or "whatses" might work.

27 comments:

Laritza said...

You really have me laughing on this one! Looks like it was successful. Maybe one day I will listen to my own advice and use a lifeline!

Anonymous said...

.....probably the best blog entry I've ever read, anytime, anywhere. I cannot believe that you made the hubby dress up as well!

Carol said...

Umm, whatsisisisisis? Hmm, seems like a song I heard once,"I know how to spell banana, I just don't know when to stop..b-a-n-a-n-a-n-a-n-a....."

Lorette said...

You are just hilarious. And your surgeon husband is a very good sport!

--Deb said...

Love it! I'm always glad to hear of a successful surgery.... Here's to a speedy recovery.

fluffbuff said...

:D :D :D :D :D :D :D

Opal said...

Brilliant! :-D

MeowGirl said...

wow, that is one serious setup; even the metal needles! how many micrometers is that hole we see in the size one needle?

Cheeto looks like an eager Igor with that saw, and his nursing skills are surprisingly impressive.

Courtney said...

Glad surgery went well :-)

Jane said...

You have turned into Dr. Frankin-fleegle! Your surgical skills are amazing and your helpers are much more attractive than Renfield ever was :-) I laughed so hard I thought I'd spit up my Pepsi! Bravo1

LittleBerry said...

"you made my day" yet another entertaining blog entry....

How long before the patients will be up and about?

BTW red & white ***shivers***

yarnlot said...

Being a nurse, I can see that the procedure is carried on in a professional way. Was it painful to the patients?

Meg said...

LOL ... well done! And I have "tasted" that "Brandy" ... and I am sure that it was better put to use in the OR ... no one should drink it. LOL

BadCatDesigns said...

LOL...do you guys do body piercings too?

domesticshorthair said...

I'm speechless...I...I have know idea what to say...um...I'm a reader of your blog, is this something you regularly do? Funny!

fleegle said...

Dear Domesticshorthair--

By "this," do you mean operate on needles or do weird stuff? The answer is no to the former and yes to the latter. Remind me someday to tell you guys about the time we decorated the Baltimore City police paddy wagon for Christmas (we have pictures!).

z's momma said...

You...are...too...funny!

Good thing I didn't have a beverage in hand when I was reading this, or else it would have been all over our new monitor.

natural state knitter said...

Fleegle, you are one of the most creative, entertaining knit/blogger that I have the pleasure of reading. I always make my whole family read your posts. I look forward to each entry. I hope that does not put a load of pressure on you!

Dave said...

Now this is the type of medical procedure I can watch -- no blood involved, no screams of pain, just giggles. I'm glad you're both wearing your safety glasses.

How about whatsii ??

The Chickengoddess said...

You're fleeglizing the hardware now? AWESOME! That was great. I can't wait for the next installment.

Karla (ThreadBndr) said...

*giggle*

My son tells me that in the Marine Corps the 'official' term for a whatsit is "a who-yah" and the plural is "who-yahs" and the superlative is "a mess o' who-yahs".

NeptuneNancy said...

Too funny! And quite ingenious!

Loved the staging...

Angeluna said...

I am such a lifeline addict! And if I put lots of them in, seems I never need them. Which is by the way a very good reason for putting them in.

This was a great laugh. Thank you.

MelissaM said...

You are a riot!!! That was genius, though :)

Shea said...

Hi Fleegle! You've been tagged. See my blog for details! :)

Hege said...

I love it! This really made me laugh. The two of you should setup in private practice now, I can see a great demand for this type of surgical skill!

knit2gether said...

Hee! What a glorious idea - you are right, all needles *should* be perforated, and I'm glad you took such expert care of your patients!