Tuesday, October 2, 2007

Knitting Pain Scale

While I was twiddling my thumbs the other day at the hospital, my wandering, bored eyeballs lit upon a gaudy poster entitled Pain Scale. Maybe you've seen them--the scale goes from 0 (no pain) to 10 (excruciating), with eight other descriptors in between (mild, serious, etc.)

As I am hovering around a solid 9 thanks to my neck, I thought I would while away an hour or two by translating the plain-speaking Pain Scale into descriptors we could all relate to. For example:

0: Able to knit complex lace for hours at a time.
1. Able to knit simple lace for an hour or two.
2. Can manage a yarnover here and there.
3. Able to knit stockinette with sparsely placed cables .
4. Able to knit some plain stockinette with frequent pauses.
5. Able to knit a few repeats of K2P2 ribbing.
6. Able to pick up knitting needles, but the flesh is too weak to actually knit anything.
7. Unable to pick up knitting needles, but still have a desire to do so.
8. Able to focus on knitting needles.
9. Able to focus on knitting needles and thinking about falling on them as a pain reliever.
10. Promises your entire stash to whomever can move the knitting needles closer so you can fall on them.

Of course, if any of you have better descriptors, please bring them on. I could use a good laugh.

29 comments:

Soo said...

Eeeek - sorry to hear you are still in such pain.

Trying to think of something interesting to say about your pain scale but can't get over the fact that you are at pain level 9 and still able to write a funny post! As Ralph used to say on Happy Days you 'still got it' - even in pain you 'still got it'.

Get well soon.

Arachnera said...

I think you may have reversed 4 and 5 because I really don't think stockinette more stressful than K2, P2 ribbing.

fleegle said...

No, I was thinking that 4 would be several rows and 5 would be several repeats. Everyone has their own pain tolerance, after all.

michelle said...

Yikes! I hope you get some relief soon.

Opal said...

I'd say you're about spot on. Good list and I hope you get some pain relief soon.

loribird said...

Well, I've been thinking, and I can't think of a pain scale funnier than yours - but then I'm not so clever on demand.
I'm really sorry you're feeling so terrible, and hope you get some relief soon (or that you already have!)
If you get really hard up for a laugh, email me and I'll mail you back the joke about the duck in the grocery store; can't post it here, it's too long, but it always seems to be good for a chuckle.

Anonymous said...

Hope you're way down on the pain scale soon! (It was so clever...)

Kathy Wajerski said...

I'm going to print out your pain scale and keep it in my knitting bag. Or maybe post it in the living room in a lovely frame.

I'm blessed with a doctor who won't let me stay in pain (after 10 years of no pain medication at all) so I really hope you can find some relief.

Chronic pain is so debilitating and robs you of your joy.

Hope you feel better soon.

fluffbuff said...

Ouch! I hope the pain has since subsided or at least gotten to a manageable level.
BTW, I need to beat up Bloglines; it showed me your post three days late. WTF!?

Jane said...

Dear fleegle,

I'm so sorry you are in so much pain. I think you need happy juice, and lots of it. Still, you are able to bring the funny even though you are suffering so I can only hope you have lots and lots of pain medications to fall back on. Of course, any knitting that you do while high on drugs would be considered "free-form knitting"! Feel better soon!

Kathy said...

Oh dear, sorry to hear you are in so much pain, with the headaches I have been getting the past week or so I have for quite a long time been around a 6. When I do get some relief, which is fortunately days at a time I get Princess out.

I do hope you feel better soon, there is nothing worse than chronic pain, I know I have been around the ten mark before with the hand pains last year.

Kitty Kitty said...

I think you pretty much nailed the list actually..... I wish I could come up with some variations to bring a smile.

Feel Better

Janice in GA said...

Jeezopete, get to feeling better. Pain sucks. Ask me how I know this.

At least today I found out I don't have glaucoma or cataracts. Just a mild eye infection. And eyelash dandruff.

Could be worse.

Carol said...

Wow. That bites. . Invest in some lighter cookware! Or get a cook....Hmm I like option 2 myself...

z's momma said...

I hope you're back to knitting complex lace soon.

BB said...

Put unable to do Guernsey cast-on without screaming bloody murder somewhere on your list, maybe a 7 1/2.
Hope you feel better FAST.

CrazyFiberLady said...

I'm sorry that you're in so much pain. I do hope you get some relief soon!

BadCatDesigns said...

Where is the morphine!? I Like your "ouch" scale but wish you didn't need it. Like a very primitive form of acupuncture up at the high end, eh? Feel better soon.

Anonymous said...

Oooo, I sympathize/empathize re your neck pain, but quite selfishly...if you do get to No. 10 on the pain scale, let me know and I will do whatever is necessary to take your stash off your hands...:-)

fleegle said...

Dear Anonymous:

I was about to have Roy wrap the stash up and send it to you, but I couldn't find Anonymous in our Outlook address book. Oh well. I'll have to send it to someone else.

Laritza said...

Sorry about your pain. When I work on one project for too long I find certain spots in my neck, back and hands start to hurt. I guess different stitches require different muscles :D There for I keep at least two projects going at a given time. Feel better soon!

knitalot3 said...

I hope you feel better soon.

Most excellent Pain Scale. I think I'll forward it to our local ER.

Courtney said...

Sorry you dont feel better, hope you feel better soon :-)

LittleBerry said...

as always bringing a smile to my face and as someone else said... still managing to make us laugh despite your pain ...... hope it's getting better...

I have to say sometimes I am a 7 but that's not through pain more tiredness.....

Karla (ThreadBndr) said...

I hope you are feeling better, dear. Let us know when you can about how you are recovering from everything. We worry.

You and yours are in my prayers.

VickiW said...

Ha ha! Very funny, especially 9 and 10. Hope you are experiencing some good relief.

Natural State Knitter said...

Hey Fleegle; I hope you are doing better with the pain and that your doctor has found a way to give you some relief. I love your pain chart! But I don't think I could ever be in enough pain to do #10. I think 10 for me would be begging my husband to braid all yarn together to make a rope to hang myself and then stuffing it in my casket with me.

KnitYoga said...

Fab list! Sorry to hear about your injury. That must be the ultimate in irony! Hope healing will take place very swiftly. Thinking of you and wishing you better.

Logan said...

Please feel better soon - I miss you! And, I hate knowing that you're out there suffering, as suffering truely sucks. Pain bites. Sucks. Etc.

Get well, please. Or get better drugs. Yeah, that's it. ;-)